DRUNKEN STONER SEEKS KUNG FU MASTER

me: 
37 yrs old 
white male 
5’10 
295 lbs 
strong like bull, smrt like focks 
atheist 
i’m poor and i live with my mom. i enjoy posting on the internet. 
yeah i’m a drunken fat ass, but it’s nothing that vigorous martial arts training can’t take care of. i like weed, FZ, the Ween, and the Toronto Maple Leafs. 
you: 
female of undetermined age and race 
5′-6′ tall 
kung fu master (multiple disciplines preferred) 
preferrably non-religious – Buddhist/Taoist/Boognishist = okay 
no habs/sens fans; in fact, it would make things a lot easier if you also loved the Leafs 
give me a minute or two to clear out my inbox..