or, “holy balls, mister lawyer, i  need a cochlear implant for my mesothelioma!”  ASBESTOS!!! LUNG CANCER!!!!!! HYDROXYCUT LIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also it is snowing. it is probably a canadian conspiracy.

The television programme Royal Pains on the USA Network, will have a song of mine on during the BIG CLUB MONTAGE in this week’s episode on Thursday August 13 at 10pm.

BONUS:

The Royal Pains website has a flash game called Operation Hamptons, and while you play it, you can help a drunk girl named Tipsy Tinsley stumble home from a glitzy party.

i put some ads on the side of the page, half because i was curious about what sorts of ads would show up on this page.  So far, disappointing.  Also, they pay us.  We’ll see how it goes.

I need a lawyer?  Or maybe I need to know where to find sure-fire investment advice?  It’s also possible that i just need a good, cheap car mechanic.

4th Anniversary.

Free wine.

I found out today that I don’t have enough money in the bank to pay my rent.
Faced with the option of doing something about it or doing something else, this is what I did:

Police Assassin – I’m Fuckin’ Broke (mp3)

Lyrics

I’m fuckin’ broke (x 7)
Can’t pay my rent (x 8)
I’m fuckin’ broke (x 14)

Preface: My Qualifications

Before I get started, I’d like to introduce this post with a disclaimer that I don’t know my urethra from my rectum when it comes to international markets and monetary funds.  But while I don’t know all the details, I am able to compensate with agile maneuvers and cunning logic.  Plus I like to read science fiction and watch anime.

Part One: Facts

There are a few facts to be considered at the moment:

1. Apparently the stock market is crashing like particles in the Large Hadron Collider.
2. The companies that are most to blame for this are being given a $700 billion (minimum!) carte blanche to get their shit together.
3. Many technical jobs are going overseas (see: Large Hadron Collider)
4. Many people who own houses are not able to pay their mortgages.
5. I have trouble paying my rent.

Part Two: Analysis of the Governments’ Proposed Solution to the Financial Situation

The government wants $700 billion to give to the corporations that are the most losingest of the most monies. There is something wrong with this picture.  Some dumb motherfuckers at some dumb corporations made some dumb mistakes and now the American public is supposed to pay for it.  Come on.  You know that these companies were trying to pull an Enron:  pump up and pump up the market then hopefully get out before it all comes crashing down.  They were investing in artificial properties.  Basically, Morgan Stanley and Lehman Brothers gave people a bunch of bad sub-prime (read: bad deal for normal people) mortgages that weren’t able to be paid back and they were trading insurance on invested money, which is a bizarre and completely invented virtual commodity.

This situation was made possible by the gradual deregulation of the financial markets.

Now the government is saying they want $700 Billion to give to these companies.  This is the same government that says that we can’t have universal health care or free public transportation because it would cost too much.  But now that their friends are in trouble (Henry Paulson, Tresury Secretary of the gov’t, is the former CEO and Chairmen of Goldman Sachs, another huge-ass bank) they suddenly happened to find seven hundred billion dollars sitting around somewhere.  They won’t be re-regulating the markets or helping actual people with their mortgages, so it’s a band-aid that will just fall off again soon!

Suppose for some reason, giving these corporations tons and tons and TONS of money rescues the economy or something and stops the backslide into a major depression, with that kind of money being pumped into the market artificially, it’ll just devalue the US Dollar even further, making it even more expensive to buy foreign beer at the bar, leaving me with less money to pay my rent (neglecting to solve statement 5).

Part Three: The Solutions of the Past

Last century, after the the stock market crash of ‘29, President Roosevelt instantiated the New Deal, which put lots of people to work improving the infrastructure of the country, and you know what?  It worked to bring the economy back to a functional state.  You know why this worked?  Because it gave work to lots of people.  What it didn’t do was give a few big companies lots of money to spend on whatever they want.

Part Four:  The Solutions of the Future

When I watch anime or read science fiction novels, I get bummed out because the people in the future have all these awesome cities that fly through space and they have giant robots that do their bidding, and they even solved physics problems allowing tiny Japanese girls to have absolutely massive bosoms and still maintain their vertical balance.

Instead of giving major failed corporations that made poor investments a break that won’t solve anything, I propose the DAI-FUTURA MEGA NEO DEAL!!!!!! (DFMND!!!!!!).  The DFMND!!!!!! would invest all kinds of money and effort into building the infrastructure of the US of tomorrow!  The DFMND!!!!!! would allocate funds to construct super high-speed national railways that float on thin air (not magnets)! The DFMND!!!!!! would start building tubes for us to jet across town in our business suits, build giant underground reactors to power giant aboveground robots that would carry us to the moon and back for their own recreation.  The DFMND!!!!!! would make flying motorcycles (fuck flying cars) a reality, give us all personal virtual reality chambers, and even breed genetically modified super cows that you could keep making burgers from but would never die!

The DFMND!!!!!! would do all this with the purpose of stimulating the economy.  Unlike the big bailout currently being crammed down our gullivers, this would actually work to put money into the system and improve people’s lives.  Guaranteed.

Or we could just freeze all foreclosures for year.  Both solutions would work to save people and the economy, but one gives us giant robots. Your pick.

In case you hadn’t already heard, Sweat Records was busted into last night.

Many things were thieved.

They’re accepting donations via PayPal.

As the czar of the Atomisk Department of Philanthropy, I have set an example by donating money.  You should too.

Atomisk RPM presents

Panic Bomber presents

Miami Stunnaz!!!!

The Book The Movie The Game The Song

Horsie Art!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!