When I was five years old, I was convinced that an accountant lived beneath my bed. I could not see him, but could hear him, the moment the lights went out: “Mathilde,” he whispered. “Two copies of the income statement for the third fiscal quarter.”
Who is Mathilde? I thought, trembling. And: What is a fiscal quarter?
My parents were of no help. They peeked beneath my bed, announced, “No accountant,” and flicked off the light, leaving me alone with the sounds of his typing, faxing, invoicing. I was on my own. I slept with a knife beneath my pillow. I taught myself the rudiments of Tae Kwon Do. I tossed leftover baked beans onto the carpet to dissuade the accountant from hungering for my blood, flesh, and bones.
“Mathilde,” he said. My fingers gripped the hilt of the blade.
In time, my parents discovered the baked beans. They discovered the Tae Kwon Do manuals, and the knife. They were not pleased.
“Stop being ridiculous,” they said. “There is no accountant beneath your bed. And even if there were, accountants are not dangerous. They take care of our money. They are our friends.”
But they did not hear his whispers. They did not hear his rasps. They did not hear him call out, “Mathilde,” again and again in the night, demanding bank statements, expenditure reports, subsidiary ledgers, balance sheets, accounts receivable, his voice dripping with wantonness and lust.
The accountant was no friend of mine.
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