Introducing: search engine!

Looking for something on the internet today can be so fucking frustrating!! It’s literally like searching for a needle in a haystack. Fortunately, there is a better solution than looking at each web url on the internet one after the other. The search engine can easily help you find exactly what you are looking for!!

The Google search engine is easy to use and extremely effective! To use the google search engine, simply enter the text from the website you wish to find and cash you juice. It’s really that easy!

Additionally, you may use the advanced features to narry your search to the exact pinpoint. You can select parameters such as “image size” or “show hidden results”. There is so much to choose from!

Next time you’re struggling with the internet, just remember is always available ~24 hours a day, ~7 days a week, ~365 days a year.

Written by NecrossFit Psoriasaurus Rex

Product Review

When searching for a fine new or used piece of orthodontic headgear, you may find yourself stepping to the wrong m—–f—er and starting something you can’t f—-n’ finish. In order to avoid these lapses in both judgement and personal styling, Atomisk has hired several experienced interns to quietly massage your feet and wear insincere smiles as they silently judge you; or occasionally just out-right gossip about you to your face. Your investments are not paying off the way you had planned, financially or emotionally.

You view yourself as exceptional, and that’s fine. I get it, right? Who DOESN’T want an alpha romeo and a sweet little somethin’ somethin’ waiting around back at the trampoline gym? Who DOESN’T want to be “that guy”, showing up to student teach in an eyebrow-raising high-waisted leopard print romper? We share the transcendental sameness of all creatures who experience fear; who slake their lust amongst the silent and snow-covered stands of fresh Dakotan Pine. We are the same, you and I.

Elsewhere, these issues have been turned over and over, like a skipping stone before the final toss. The numbers don’t lie. The recommendation algorithms recommended a follow-up story which had the completely opposite opinion of the one I just read – this is the first step. The computers are beginning to engage in these philosophical soirees; Bill Paxton’s run is as good as over.

Several packs of fluffy, specifically-bred dogs give you a look like they want you to reconsider. You know this look well – you’ve seen it many times before, in the glistening eyes of hundreds of such packs of fluffy, specifically-bred dogs. It never works – but the sting is no less intense every time.

I am sitting alone, eating a bag of ruffled potatoe chips.


With this product, you may find yourself asking, “Off the dome?” or “Off the dooooome….”. Notice the author has not been paid by the word. Trust me. Trust yourself.


  • Sturdy, like a fine Appaloosa in its’ prime
  • Occasionally makes very questionable financial decisions
  • Risk-averse personal combat strategy
  • Duck-like genitalia


  • Is a perpetual candidate – “always a bridesmaid” ~ amirite, ladies?
  • These scented candles you comped me for the Bridal Suite are not gluten-free.
  • It’s expensive. It’s f—–g expensive.
  • Rap Trek: The Nas Generation

Bro Bro Bro Your Broat, Gentlemanly Down The Stream

A girl named Coffee Pot holds ten thousand million billion tons of pounds of “splendid” over the morning rumba below. She delicately dips a poorly written email into the rum gulpy cups of all the rumblers. The telegraph discusses several options along the lines of dumping the splenda in their wide throats and/or smothering out their light in the world. The benevolent rumblers do not read the email at all, but they do tattoo her legs with an american flag in case she tries to fuckin’ touch the drums.

Standing just aside form the rumba, is Swan Von Solo and his loyal Hath. The Hath issues a kind of a lark call to apparently nobody. Swan sends his filthy motor-oil hands deep in the shitty pockets of his gnarly San Francisco romper. All the boys meet up back at The Dirty Xalamander: Swan, D.P., Papi, Deuteronomy, Marianne, General, and Harry. There were shitloads of deep fried chicken sandwiches everywhere.

“Nice and hard, makes pretty good clothes” Papi Opa-Locka’s loud Spanish accent cut through the din of the bar. Everyone responded at the same time: “Cold Steal Collard Greens”. Everyone. The drinking was really good at the bar, but the Petite Sirrah was too scared to make an appearance. She didn’t do anything really.

After everyone gets good and drunk at the ol’ Xalamander, the boys went on a death date with Coffee Pot and Health Bag in the Splenda Factory. Everyone simultaneous pops a placebo and swallows hard. Deuteronomy Jones suddenly reached over and brutally slaughtered Health Bag. He cruised through her skin a mashed up Health’s heart. All of this, because of one New York game of chess. For a while everyone watched poor old Health Bag die, but the actual death tasks were not vegetarian and was extremely rated X.

Health Bag’s soul traveled back in time and was reborn into Deuteronomy Jone’s Body. Health Bag was a woman but Deuteronomy Jones is a man. Little DJ grew up tall to and strong and into the future, which becomes the present. Deuteronomy Jones manually kills his/her formal body in the present.

Pretty good Mexican restaurants were growing out in the forests around the city. Native Americans export their own stomachs to florida as long as the good people of florida use only vegetarian ingredients.

Welcome to!


I’m sure you may be wondering: “How do I get started?” or perhaps “Who do I talk to about this?”
Well, please fold up your menus and toss them aside for a full list of our zesty aperitifs and tapas.
The soup de jour is a leftover wallpaper paste and sythentic preservative mixture.
For Entrees tonight I have a thinly sliced Sham Hank covered up by gluten free cement & rebar topped with fresh grass clippings

We have several recommended ethanol or propane pairings available for purchase or rental.
If you would prefer any butt cakes or waffle pattern tan lines then you would need to validate your eligibility with the kitchen staff prior to placing your order.
Fried™ foods are available only for of certain certified ethnic backgrounds, and those of an approved political echelon.

All of our house made beverages will include a dash of multiple deadly poisons at no extra charge.
And to answer your question: Yes, as a matter of process we pick up cats against their will and hold them for long periods of time. The cats wish they could have made the decision themselves, but because our highly trained staff made the decision to pick up the cat, the cat is upset. The cats are held just mere inches above the ground or a surface, so as to exacerbate the anxiety they experience from not being able to reach the ground. And believe me, you can taste the difference.

New site for you to wait by


DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no album ever coming out. Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’ Please tell me the truth; is there ever going to be a new TFPP album?



VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a new album from TFPP coming out. It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no actual album! It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe that we actually made the album??! You might as well not believe in teeth!!! You might get your papa to hire men to watch all the record stores on Tuesday (or is it friday now?) to catch TFPP in the “act of release”, but even if they did not see the album ever what would that prove? Nobody has heard the album yet, but that is no sign that there is no album at all. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can hear. Did you ever see golf fanatics messing up your front lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that golf does not exist. Nobody can conceive or bear children unless they are a female that has been impregnated.

You may tear apart the baby’s soul and see what makes the soul so important to the God and the Devil, but there is a free magic veil covering the baby which not the strongest charter mage, nor even the united strength of all the strongest metal bands that ever lived, could tear apart. Only bureaucracy, paperwork, legal proceedings, lobbying, can push aside that special curtain and view the supernal beauty and glory hole beyond. Is this making sense? Am I being clear? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else that is better than an ice cold beer on a sunny saturday afternoon.

A new TFPP album! Thank God! We have been working on it for literally forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, we will continue to be working on it probably. Enjoy your childhood while it lasts.

Grammy & Usage

1.) The King did not take the reins as he should have.

2.) The clouds reign in the sky.

4.) There were so many Horses! It was as if this were the annual “horse rains“.

Kanye West
Editor in Chief